


Six Years

by krishgriffin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy Blake Is Hopelessly In Love With Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin Angst, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin Reunion, Bellarke, F/M, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24853567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krishgriffin/pseuds/krishgriffin
Summary: Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake used to best friends who relied on one another. But after Clarke's father died and she left town, Bellamy was heartbroken and abandoned.Six years later, Clarke comes back home for her mother's wedding, where she runs into an angry, still hurting Bellamy. When Clarke decides to stay for the summer after getting an internship, she hopes that Bellamy can't stay mad at her forever.As the two spend more time together, it's clear that they still have a connection. The only question is, how much damage did Clarke cause when she left, and did it leave them broken beyond repair?
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Kudos: 20





	1. I. Nobody Knows How to Get Back Home

Clarke played with the fabric of her navy blue dress. As she rubbed her fingers on the lining, trying to use anything as a distraction, she took several long, deep breaths.

"Oh, Clarke, you look beautiful," her mother said as she emerged from the separate room. Abby Griffin was dressed in a long, plain white dress, her hair pulled up into a dignified bun, with a bouquet of blue peonies. She looked happier than Clarke had seen her in years. Clarke supposed that was a good sign— it was her mother's wedding day, after all.

More than half a decade since after Clarke's father passed away, Abby was remarrying Marcus Kane, a big time politician. Clarke didn't know why a second large wedding was even necessary, but Kane made a point that he wanted it to be community celebration. She thought it was a matter of public image, with his re-election less than a year away.

As horrible as it may have been, Clarke didn't want to come. Her and Abby's relationship had been far from perfect in the past. When Clarke was a teenager, Abby struggled with her pain medication, and it left some scares. But more than that, there was a different reason Clarke left Arkadia six years ago, and coming back to the small beach town on the coast of Virginia made her feel a sick combination of disgust and nostalgia.

Most of all, she was terrified of running into anyone from her old life— or really, just one person. She had put the past behind her. The last time Clarke was here, she was a clueless, sad eighteen year-old kid. Now, she was an adult, half way through medical school and stronger than she had ever been. The last thing she needed was all those bad memories coming back.

"You look great, Mom," Clarke tried to smile.

After making some final touches, all while Clarke ignored the gigantic knot in her stomach, they headed out of their house and got in a car to ride them to the ceremony. Abby and Kane had chosen a park by the beach for the occasion, and the warm weather swamped over Clarke as she exited the car. Rows and rows of guests sat in wooden chairs, facing the water, and Kane stood closest to the shore, waiting for his bride. Clarke was her mother's maid of honor, so she walked down the grass isle first.

As she put one foot in front of another, Clarke tried not to look around at the hundred of faces staring at her, but her efforts were futile. She saw her childhood friend's father, Mr. Jaha, and she noticed her old elderly neighbor, Mrs. Felix.

Those were the encounters she could smile through. She even gave them little waves and kept walking.

Then, she saw him— dark, curly hair, a broad chest, compelling eyes, and freckles that shone in the evening sunlight. He looked older, obviously, as if he had finally grown into his strong build. It took all of her willpower to not trip on her own two feet. Her knees almost gave out.

Sitting in the fifth row of her mother's wedding was Bellamy Blake.

Bellamy's eyes went wide when he saw her, and his mouth opened slightly. She noticed that Raven, Murphy, Miller, Jasper, and Monty — her old friends from high school— sat beside him, but she couldn't even focus on them. She couldn't take her eyes off Bellamy. Before she could look any longer, Clarke forced herself to walk even faster.

Of course, that didn't really help, since when she reached the end of the isle, she had to turn around and look right at him. He looked so good in his suit, and she noticed he didn't have a tie on, which under any other circumstances would have made her smile. Bellamy always hated ties. Remembering this little detail brought on an intense sense of guilt and sadness and, to her surprise, a little anger.

He was still staring right at her. This time, he looked a little less shocked and a little more upset.

For the rest of the ceremony, Clarke felt like she was going to throw up.

• • •

Clarke almost pretended to be sick to get out of the reception, but she knew her mother would be heartbroken. It was only one night. All she had to do was show up, make a speech, and then she could leave.

She knew coming back to Arkadia was a bad idea. She knew it. How could she have been so stupid? There was one person in town she didn't want to see, so, of course, he's at her mother's wedding. That's how her life worked.

When Clarke arrived at the reception, which was held in one of the big community buildings in the town square, Raven, Monty, and Jasper came right up to her. Raven wore a purple dress and a leather jacket, and Monty and Jasper were in a classic suits.

"Clarke! It's so good to see you." Raven gave her a hug.

Clarke was shocked, but she returned her friend's embrace. During their last few years of high school, Raven and Clarke had a honest friendship full of support and tough love. Clarke couldn't deny that it was good to see her again.

Monty and Jasper hugged Clarke, too, and for the first time in days, she felt herself genuinely smile. She hadn't expected anything that resembled their reaction when she imagined her return. She knew that when she left town, she also left her friends.

"I can't believe you guys don't hate me," she said.

"We could never," Monty replied.

"You were going through a lot, Griffin. It's okay." Raven patted her on the shoulder.

"I'm just glad you're back," Jasper added.

A wave of emotion hit Clarke right in the chest. "Thank you."

However, she couldn't help but notice Bellamy, Murphy, and Miller glaring at her from the corner of the room. They didn't look like they forgave and forgot.

Raven saw Clarke looking back at them, concerned. "Hey," she said, "they'll come around. Don't worry."

Clarke shrugged, trying to pretend like Bellamy's harsh gaze didn't hurt. "It doesn't matter. It was a long time ago."

• • •

_6 Years Ago_

__

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_Clarke's head was still pounding when she heard the knocking on her bedroom door._

__

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_"Clarke," Bellamy's voice said. He sounded frantic and sad. "I'm so, so sorry. Can I come in?"_

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_"Bellamy, leave me alone," she whimpered._

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_"I want to be here for you. Please, let me help."_

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_"My dad's dead, Bellamy, and it's my fault! You can't help!" She screamed, her voice cracking. "Leave me alone."_

__

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_"I'm going to come in, Clarke," he said._

__

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_"Don't you dare—" she began, but it was too late. Bellamy was standing in her doorway, a stained black t-shirt and jeans on. He must have came straight from his shift at the bar._

__

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_"Clarke, please," he said, walking over to her bed where she sat. Bellamy noticed the red rings around her eyes, the tears stained on her cheeks. She wouldn't meet his eyes. He went to hug her, to try to shoulder some of this enormous pain he knew she felt, and Clarke recoiled._

__

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_"No, Bellamy. I said no," she said._

__

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_He took a step back. "What can I do? Please, I want to be here for you."_

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_"I don't deserve to have you here! It's my fault. It's all my fault. Please— just... get out. I need some space."_

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_"Clarke..."_

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_She finally looked at him, her eyes wild and full of hurt. "Bell, please go."_

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_Bellamy felt his heart break a little more. "Okay, I'll leave, but I'll be back soon, alright? I'm so sorry this happened, Clarke, but it's not on you. You're not alone. Let me carry some of the burden."_

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_Clarke simply shook her head. "I'll talk to you later."_

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_After hesitating for another second, Bellamy slowly walked out of the room._

__

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_Two days later, Clarke was gone._


	2. I Don't Blame You, Dear

When Clarke turned away from the open bar at the wedding, another drink in hand, she almost ran straight in Bellamy's chest.

The music was playing, guests were dancing, cake was being served, and there she was, in the middle of her worst nightmare.

For some reason, Clarke still wanted to hug him. Looking at her now, his gaze was harsh and relentless, but she remembered the days when those eyes held immeasurable amounts of kindness and adoration. She had missed him in so many ways over the past few years, yet somehow, that longing felt all the more desperate when he was standing right in front of her.

Bellamy's jaw was clenched, his sharp features drawn into a frown, his curls slightly tangled. He must have taken his suit jacket off, as he now just wore a white button down shirt, rolled up to his elbows. He looked incredible.

Clarke just stood there, motionless, her mouth slightly agape.

"What are you even doing here?" Bellamy finally asked. His voice was tight and bitter.

"I'm at my mom's wedding," she replied. Suddenly, her defensiveness over his comment momentarily overcame her shock and sadness. "What are you doing here?"

"Your mom said you weren't coming," he said, angrily. "She invited all of us— all your old friends— and I asked, and she said you wouldn't be here. So, we came to enjoy the open bar and because we probably know your mother better than you do now."

Clarke remembered how she originally told her Mom she wouldn't attend before feeling too guilty and changing her mind. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

"It means that you ditched her as much as much as you ditched me back then, Clarke."

Hearing him say her name again gutted her. She took a deep breath. "I get why you're mad, Bellamy. I know I made some mistakes. Don't worry, I'm just here for the weekend. Then, you can forget all about me."

She hated how her voice cracked when she said the last words. She began to walk away from him. This all hurt too much.

"Typical Clarke, always running away," she heard Bellamy mumble.

Quickly, Clarke turned around. "You don't get to be an ass, Bellamy. I owned up to what I did. It's my mom's wedding. I'll be gone in a day."

Bellamy barely looked at her, instead taking a long sip on his beer. He slammed the empty bottle on the counter and said, "Can't wait," before walking away.

• • •

_The glow of the camp fire made Bellamy's face look softer. He didn't look so serious and worried. Clarke thought it made him look more like the teenager he was._

_Maybe that, or just the fact that she always ended up staring at his dark curls and beautiful freckles, was the reason she found herself drawing his face in her sketchbook._

_That summer evening, Octavia, Bellamy, and Clarke had gone camping together. Bellamy had been taking Octavia on annual trips for years, so this time, Clarke tagged along. Octavia and Clarke had been best friends since middle school, and now, the two girls were sixteen, about to start their junior year in high school._

_Bellamy was nineteen, but he acted much older sometimes. Two years before, his and Octavia's mother had died from a drug overdose. They bounced around foster homes for a year until Bellamy turned eighteen, and he was allowed to adopt his little sister. But also meant he was responsible for all the things no teenager should be— a roof above their heads, food on the table._

_Clarke still vividly remembers meeting Bellamy when Octavia brought her home after school one day. The Blakes lived in a tiny apartment with envelopes full of bills stacked on the table. She was only thirteen, and because her mother was a doctor and her father an engineer, Clarke was never exposed to their kind of life style. However, she quickly found that although they didn't have much money, Bellamy and Octavia crafted their home out of love. There was always laughter, and the siblings were fiercely loyal to each other in a way that a single child couldn't understand._

_Bellamy and Octavia welcomed Clarke into their little family with open arms. Octavia was wild and impulsive but full of support. Bellamy, although a little distant at first, was a fiercely loyal friend. Soon enough, Clarke wasn't just hanging out with Octavia. She was spending time with Bellamy, too._

_After they had made s'mores at their little camp site, Octavia had fallen asleep in the tent. Clarke sat with her sketchbook while across from her, Bellamy manned the fire, adding another log and roasting his fifth marshmallow of the night._

_Clarke didn't know when she had started drawing Bellamy, and it scared her a little bit. Of course, she always found him attractive. Almost every girl had. But somehow acknowledging his good looks felt dangerous. He was still her best friend's big brother._

_Before she had time to add details to his gorgeous lips, she shut the sketch book. No way she was going down that road._

_"What were you drawing?" Bellamy asked, breaking their long silence._

_"Oh, nothing really. Just doodling," she quickly replied, hoping he wouldn't be able to see her bright red cheeks in the darkness._

_His marshmallow caught on fire, which provided a nice distraction. He used those perfect lips to blow out the flame, leaving a burnt outer layer. "You ever think about becoming a professional artist?"_

_"For a while when I was little. But then I found just as much of an interest in medicine, and that profession doesn't have a reputation for leaving you starving," she said._

_Bellamy chuckled. "That's fair."_

_"When you were little, what did you wanna be when you grew up?"_

_"Lots of things. A fireman. A cop. Hell, even a historian when I was going through my Ancient Greek phase."_

_"Don't act like that was a phase, Blake. You're still a dork," she teased._

_He lightly threw a chocolate bar at her and said, "Watch yourself. I'm still your ride home."_

_Clarke smiled. She loved her random talks with Bellamy. He carried such a warmness within him, and he only showed it to a few people. She was lucky to be one of them._

_After a moment, Bellamy sighed. "But you know, a bartender works, too."_

_"You're only nineteen. You still have time to be all those things."_

_"Yeah, I guess you're right," he said. "You want another s'more?"_

_She nodded enthusiastically and walked over to his side of the fire to get another marshmallow. She ended up sitting next to him on the small log._

_His presence was both comforting and exhilarating. She felt safe with him there, but when their shoulders innocently touched, her stomach was filled with butterflies. Clarke reminded herself that he was Octavia's brother and that he was nineteen and completely off limits and it wouldn't even be legal and that she was just tired from a long day outdoors and feeling emotional._

_"How's your mom doing, by the way?" He gently asked as they munched on their treats._

_"She's okay. She's going to a support group and stuff, and we have to keep searching the house to make sure there aren't pills anywhere," Clarke said. No one knew about her mom's struggles except for Bellamy and Octavia._

_"That's good. You guys will get through it." He put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "And you know if you ever need anything at all... a place to stay, a ride, a person to talk to..."_

_She gave him a sad smile. "I know you're here, Bell, and it means the world."_

_Bellamy nodded and returned the smile. Clarke was sure it was the most heartwarming thing she'd ever seen._

_They went back to focusing on their s'mores and teasing each other. A few hours later, Clarke finally went to sleep, thinking about how, even if he was off limits, she was lucky someone like Bellamy had her back._

• • •

After her encounter with Bellamy at the wedding, Clarke said goodbye to what friends she had left and made her way out. The very next morning, she packed her bag.

She caught her image in the mirror across her old childhood bedroom. Her cheeks were flushed just from thinking about Bellamy. She sighed. He always made her so emotional, and she hated it.

Truly, she understood his anger. Most of her adolescence was spent laying on the beach beside him, drinking booze out of Gatorade bottles with him by the old rope swing in the woods, or sitting on his couch, rolling her eyes as he played another one of his history documentaries he loved so much. If the situation were reversed, and Bellamy had suddenly disappeared, she wasn't sure she would ever be able to forgive him, either.

Clarke had ended up interrogating Raven about Bellamy at some point during the wedding. Apparently, he had become one of the managers at the bar he worked at as a teenager. He used that job to put Octavia through community college. Bellamy's life had ended up how he always thought it would— working a simple job to get by and give his little sister a better chance than he had.

She couldn't help but think about just how different of directions she and Bellamy's lives had gone in. During her senior year of high school, Clarke got into Polis University, a very prestigious school in California, thousands of miles away from Arkadia. Bellamy had encouraged her to go, saying she deserved it and that they would find ways to stay in touch. They were supposed to spend all summer together before Clarke left.

But after her dad died, Clarke called Polis and asked to be enrolled in their summer courses. Though it was short notice, they allowed it, and two days later, Clarke was across the country. She got a new cell phone, skipped her father's funeral, didn't say goodbye to any of her friends, and barely even spoke to her mother before catching her plane.

Even at the time, Clarke knew it was cruel, but she couldn't stand staying in that small town and being reminded every day of what happened. Something had shifted inside of her, and she couldn't stand pretending to be her old self for even a second.

Now, Clarke had just finished her second year of medical school at Polis and was planning on spending her summer volunteering at their hospital and interviewing for internship positions for the fall.

She had put everything in Arkadia behind her. Sure, coming back and facing Bellamy was a setback, but she could move on. There was nothing left for her here.

Clarke jumped when she heard her mother knocking at her door. "Clarke?"

"Yeah?" Clarke asked as Abby entered. She looked tired, but incredibly happy. Her wedding went perfectly, and while her and Kane weren't taking a honeymoon, Clarke noticed the shift in the household. It felt sweet and homey in a way it hadn't in years. Though Clarke hated the thought of her mom married to anyone except her dad, it was comforting to know she was going to be okay.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," Abby said, sitting on the bed and gesturing for Clarke to join her. When Clarke did, Abby took her daughter's hands. "And I want you to keep an open mind."

"What?"

"I asked around, and there's an internship open at Arkadia General that I know you'd be great for. It's nothing too fancy, but it would be in the surgical department, and I have some connections, so with one phone call, it could be yours." Abby was an internal medicine doctor at that same hospital. "I know you have... concerns about staying here, but I want you to know that nothing that happened is your fault, honey. You have a lot of people that love you here. If you don't want to spend your life in this town, that's fine, but at least stay one more summer before you decide."

Clarke wasn't surprised that her mom was bringing up the position, but she wasn't eager to accept, either. "Mom..."

"I miss you. I hate how we left things, and I want to be your mom again," Abby whispered.

"I'm twenty-four. I don't need you to hold my hand anymore. I'm doing just fine out there in the real world."

"I know that, Clarke. But is it so horrible for me to want you home?"

Clarke shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mom. It has nothing to do with you, but this place doesn't feel like home anymore."

Abby sighed. "I knew it was a long shot. Well, if you change your mind..."

She stood up to leave, but right before she reached the door, Clarke stopped her. "Hey, Mom?"

"What?" Abby turned around.

"Why did you invite Bellamy to your wedding? You hated him when I was growing up. You always treated him like he was some bad influence on me."

A frown appeared on Abby's face. She hesitated for a moment before speaking. "After you left, Bellamy came over to the house a lot. I know we had our differences, but..."

"But what?" Clarke asked gently.

"I think we both just missed you so much, and it was all so sudden. I was by myself, and he would just stop by to make sure I was alright. He would clean the gutters and fix the sink when it broke. I could have hired someone, but he was just doing it so I'd have someone around. He was a person who understood I hadn't just lost my husband— I lost you, too." Abby finished that sentence with tears in her eyes. She took a deep breath to steady herself. "He's a good man, Clarke. So, when Marcus wanted a big wedding, I suppose inviting him and all your friends was a sign of gratitude."

Clarke's heart shattered into pieces as her mother spoke. Silently, she stood up and wrapped her arms around Abby. She seemed surprised at first, but Abby quickly returned her daughter's tight embrace.

"I'm sorry I gave you two people to grieve at once," Clarke whispered.

Abby held her even closer. "It's okay, sweetie. You did what you had to do to keep your head above water."

For the first time, Clarke realized how much pain she had placed on her mom when she left. They rarely ever talked about that time in their lives, so it was easy for Clarke to pretend that the hurt she caused was minimal and temporary. But for Bellamy and her mother, of all people, to lean on each other, there must have been a lot of damage. All because Clarke did what she did best— she ran away.

Six years later, she still hadn't faced that damage, just as she never found the peace she was so sure laid on the other side of the country. All she did was postpone the tsunami of emotions, and it felt like it was all hitting her now.

She was sick of leaving. Sick of feeling guilty. Sick of hurting those she loved.

"I'll take the internship," she said, still hugging her mom.

"What?" Abby said, shocked.

"I'll take it, and I'll stay here for the summer," Clarke replied. "I have some things I need to fix."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you all saw it coming, but Clarke's staying in town! Thank you again for reading! Your support means so much. Also, Bellamy in a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up may be my favorite thing in the world.


	3. It Wasn't Easy to Be Happy For You

Clarke held her breath while the phone rang. A week after accepting the internship, she was finally unpacked in Arkadia and all set to start work the next day. Before she could, though, she wanted to take the first step in fixing her mistakes.

"Hello?" Octavia said when she picked up.

"Hi, Octavia," Clarke replied, nervously. "It's, uh, Clarke Griffin. I know it's been a long time."

"Clarke!" Octavia seemed genuinely excited. "It's been years. How are you?"

Clarke was taken aback by her enthusiasm and the fact that there was no bitterness in her voice. "I'm okay. Um... I'm actually in medical school, but I'm staying in Arkadia for the summer, so I guess it just seemed like the right time to... check in."

"You're finally back home."

"I don't know about that."

"Either way, it's nice to hear from you. I missed you."

"I missed you, too. And I called to apologize for leaving all those years ago. I shouldn't have disappeared without a goodbye."

"Clarke," Octavia said, "We were young and you were hurting. I get it. I'm impulsive and act on my emotions, so how can I blame you for doing the same? This horrible thing happened and you needed to get out. I hated it, but I understood."

"Wow, Octavia. Thank you." Clarke felt this immense load lifted off of her chest. It was comforting how, even all these years later, Octavia was still a reliable friend.

"After I finished college, I left Arkadia, too. Not under the same circumstances, but I get how suffocating it can be. I'm actually living in North Carolina now, and I'm engaged!"

"That's great! I'm so happy for you. You'll have to tell me all about the guy."

"It's actually Lincoln! Do you remember him?"

"Of course I do," Clarke replied. Octavia had started dating Lincoln during junior year, but he was four years older than her, which Bellamy absolutely hated. "That's great! I'm happy for you."

"Thanks! I guess life goes on and it all falls where it's supposed to. So, don't beat yourself up over what happened. Just enjoy your time back in town." Octavia said warmly.

"Seriously, thank you, Octavia." Clarke paused. "Um, can I ask you a question?"

"Go for it."

"Do you know how Bellamy may feel about me being back? I saw him once, and it didn't go well."

Octavia let out a long breath. "Bell took your leaving harder than the rest of us. It took him a long time to come to terms with losing you, and even longer to stop blaming himself for it. I think it'll just take him some time to get over all that anger."

"That's fair," Clarke said. "He was always there for me and then I just left him. I don't know if I deserve his forgiveness at all."

"You do," Octavia replied sternly. "Bellamy is not perfect, either. He's just hurting, but once he realizes how much better his life is with you in it, he'll be alright."

"I hope so."

"But Clarke?"

"Yeah?"

"You do realize he loved you a lot, right? Like he thought you were it. He was only so hurt because he loved you so much."

Of course, Clarke knew this. She had once loved Bellamy, and Bellamy had once loved her. But there was something about hearing Octavia say it that made her want to cry.

"I know, Octavia. I loved him, too," Clarke whispered.

"Then get him back in your life, okay? You'll both be happier," Octavia said. "And you're much less annoying when you two bother each other. Gives me some time with Lincoln without my big brother breathing down my neck."

Clarke chuckled. "Alright, deal."

"I gotta go, but I'll call you soon. I'm really glad you're back."

"Me, too. Thanks for everything, Octavia."

"Always. Bye, Clarke."

When the phone call ended, Clarke sat in her bedroom, staring at the ceiling. Octavia was right— whether as a friend or as something more, Clarke needed to get Bellamy back in her life. She just had no idea how to do it.

• • •

_The waves softly crashed against the shore as the moon shone softly above. Octavia and Clarke had just finished their junior year of high school, and Octavia wanted to celebrate with her new boyfriend, Lincoln, and Bellamy. They practically had to beg Bellamy to join them, but eventually he settled for a simple day at the beach. The day had passed quickly, and now, it was almost midnight. Lincoln and Octavia had gone off somewhere, probably to make out, leaving Bellamy and Clarke by themselves. They sat side by side on a blanket a few dozen feet away from where the tide rolled in._

_"I can't believe she's with that guy," Bellamy huffed, gesturing towards the direction Octavia had disappeared in._

_"If I counted correctly, that is the seventeenth time you've said that exact sentence tonight," Clarke replied._

_Bellamy rolled his eyes, trying not to grin. "Well, it's true."_

_"He's nice, Bellamy, and she's not getting into any trouble with him. Relax."_

_He just shook his head. "Whatever. You don't have a good taste in guys either, Griffin."_

_She chuckled. "We're going there, are we?"_

_"This was the year of Finn Collins, and we both know that just resulted in you crying on my couch and eating all of my junk food," Bellamy said. His voice was light in the way that she knew meant he was just picking on her._

_Clarke shrugged. "Yeah, I know. He's a dick, but at least I got a friend out of it. Raven's cool."_

_"Either way, forgive me if I don't trust your assessment of Octavia's boyfriend, who is older than me and has a tattoo sleeve."_

_"You're just mad that you can't beat him up if he hurts Octavia."_

_"No, I could—"_

_"He'd beat you to a pulp, Bell, and you know it," she teased. "Besides, you don't have a fantastic love life, either."_

_"I'm busy, that's all." He took a sip of spiked Gatorade out of a red Solo cup. "I'm working, and I have a sister to take care of. I don't have time for a relationship right now."_

_"You have time for one night stands," Clarke pointed out._

_Bellamy cast her an irritated glance. "I don't think that's any of your business."_

_"Just saying." Clarke took his cup— her own was empty— and took a sip._

_They fell into a comfortable silence. Clarke tried not to notice the way the moonlight struck his face or how the salt water had curled his hair even more than usual. When she had started dating Finn earlier that school year, she was able to forget about whatever little crush she had on Bellamy. She was doing so good. But sitting alone with him on a quiet night was her kryptonite._

_"You wanna go closer to the water?" He asked after a while._

_"Sure."_

_They walked along the shore, the water just barely touching their toes as the waves came in. Another few minutes passed before Bellamy spoke up._

_"I bet I can do a flip," he said, sounding almost thoughtful._

_Clarke burst out laughing. "What?"_

_"I bet I could jump off that little sand bar and do a flip," he said again._

_"No you can't. You've just had too much Gatorade. You're like the least flexible person I know."_

_"Octavia does flips and hand springs all the time," he replied, slightly offended._

_"Octavia has had training and practice. You can't just randomly decide that you can do a flip."_

_"I'm gonna try it."_

_"Bellamy—"_

_"Hold my drink, Griffin." He handed her the cup._

_"Don't break your neck."_

_"Ye of little faith." Bellamy shook his head, grinning._

_Clarke just raised her eyebrows as he walked away, got a running start, and jumped off the pile of sand. Rather than performing a flip, he simply twisted his body forward and landed on his back. Clarke began laughing hysterically, thinking she had never seen Bellamy do something so ridiculous, but slowly bent down to make sure he was okay._

_"You alright?" she asked between chuckles._

_He laid in the sand, flat on his back, but she could see the ghost of a smile on his face. "Yeah, umm... I'm not sure what that was."_

_Before she could respond, Bellamy quickly stood up, as if he had never fallen, and picked up Clarke. He grabbed her legs and shoulders, so her face was inches away from his chest._

_Clarke yelped. She didn't expect him to get up so quickly, yet alone to carry her on the beach. "Bellamy, what the hell—"_

_"Relax, Princess," he laughed. "This is just what you get for making fun of me."_

_"Carried?" Clarke questioned, laughing right along with him._

_"Nope— this." Bellamy began walking into the water._

_"No, Bellamy, no!" Clarke screamed through her laughter. She squirmed in his arms, but he was too strong to let her slip through his grasp._

_"You gonna make fun of my abilities anymore, Griffin?" He took a step farther in. The water came up to his knees._

_"I won't! I promise," she cried. "But you better not throw me in that water!"_

_"I don't know if I believe you..."_

_"Bellamy Blake!"_

_"Alright, fine." He stepped back out of the water and ran over to their belongings. To Clarke's surprise, he gently laid her down on the blanket. "You've convinced me."_

_Clarke let out another laugh. "You are horrible."_

_Bellamy grinned as he laid down next to her, both of their laughter so lowly dying down. "You love me for it."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah."_

_He turned so he could look her in the eyes, and for a slight moment, he seemed like he was entranced._

_"Man, I can't believe I just tried to do gymnastics on the beach. I barely ever mess around like that," he said._

_"I know. You're usually too busy carrying the weight of that whole big world on your shoulders."_

_He chuckled softly. "Yeah."_

_"You know, Bellamy, you don't have to be so responsible all the time. You're allowed to laugh and have fun," she said._

_"Easier said than done, Clarke," he replied. "But for whatever it's worth, you're one of the few people who make me feel like I can relax. It's nice."_

_"That's what I'm here for."_

_He reached over to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear, and she was surprised by how such a casual touch could feel so intimate._

_"But if you ever try to throw me in the dark, cold ocean again, Blake, I will end you," she added._

_"Oh, I know you will." He grinned._

_"Good." Clarke smiled back, feeling like, at least for that evening, all was right in the world._

• • •

Clarke fidgeted with the braid in her hair as she walked in the hospital doors. It was the first day of her internship, and she was both excited and nervous. She approached the front counter, like her mother had told her to do, where a female security guard sat. The guard was about Clarke's age, with long brown hair and a harsh expression.

"Hi," she said. "My name's Clarke Griffin. I'm here to sign in for the surgical intern program."

"Fill out this page and sign the bottom," the guard said curtly. "Then, put on this badge."

Clarke nodded and began filling out the form. While she did so, the guard chewed on her gum and stared at her. Just when Clarke was almost done, she heard someone behind her.

"Hey, babe," the all too familiar voice said.

Clarke turned around, and, once again, saw Bellamy. He wore jeans and a white t-shirt, and his hair was messy. He carried a paper bag and a cup of coffee.

Bellamy stopped a few feet away from Clarke when he realized it was her. He rolled his eyes. "God, I thought you were gone."

She tried not to let his comment sting too much. "I changed my plans and decided to stick around for the summer," she replied.

He sighed in annoyance. "Gotta appreciate the irony in that."

She pressed her lips in a fine line, literally biting her tongue.

He walked right past Clarke and focused on the security guard behind the desk. "I brought you some breakfast," he said, handing her the cup of coffee.

Clarke realized that the 'babe' Bellamy had originally spoken to was the guard. She was taken aback by the horrible, hollowing feeling in her stomach.

"Thanks, Bell," the guard said, giving him a quick kiss.

The feeling got worse, and Clarke was sure she was going to puke.

"She's just one of Octavia's old friends," Bellamy told the guard before facing Clarke once again. "And Clarke, this is my girlfriend, Echo."

She tried to make herself smile. "That's great."

"Isn't it?" he said, a glint in his eye. "So, if you're really staying in town, take this as a sign that I'm done, Clarke. I've moved on."

"I assumed you'd had. I mean, it's been six years, Bellamy," Clarke said, forcing the lies out of her mouth. "I'd be a little concerned if you were still stuck in the past."

She didn't think it was possible, but Bellamy's gaze became even more lethal. He bit his lip and simply nodded.

All Clarke wanted was to apologize. She wanted to tell Bellamy how much he meant to her. She wanted to tell him that she was lying and that she was still so stuck in the past that it physically pained her. But Bellamy was being so cold, and he had a new girlfriend. How was she supposed to make things right when he looked at her like she was his enemy?

So, instead, she said, "Anyway, I need to get to work. It was nice meeting you, Echo."

Clarke grabbed her badge off the counter and began walking away, trying to dissolve the lump in her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again-- As always, thanks for reading! Bellarke on a beach at night is my new aesthetic, in case anyone was wondering. 
> 
> Hope y'all have a lovely rest of your day!


	4. Smashed In My Car Window

Two weeks had passed before Clarke saw Bellamy again. In that time, she had been working at the hospital, spending time with her mom, and seeing her old friends again. One night, Raven had told her that their friend group was getting together at a bar and encouraged Clarke to come along.

When Clarke arrived at the crowded, loud bar, she realized it was the one that Bellamy managed, and she automatically wanted to leave. Despite her desire to repair things with him, she didn't feel ready to face his anger again. But before she could turn around, Raven had already dragged her over to the booth where Monty, Jasper, Miller, and Murphy sat.

Similar to the last time Clarke saw them, Miller and Murphy barely acknowledged her, but Monty and Jasper greeted her warmly.

Clarke nervously looked around the establishment for any sign of Bellamy, but she didn't see him. She tried to relax and participate in Monty and Jasper's conversation. She drank and laughed with Raven. Slowly, her anxiety began to melt. She even exchanged sarcastic comments with Murphy.

But all of her worry came rushing back when, about a half hour later, she saw Bellamy walking over to their table. He wore a blue flannel over a grey t-shirt, which meant he wasn't working that night. Clarke shot Raven a panicked look as he got closer.

"Sorry, he's still apart of our group, too," Raven whispered.

"You could have told me he was coming," Clarke quietly retorted.

"Someone could have told me Clarke was coming," Bellamy said when he finally made his way to them.

"You two need to get over whatever this fight is," Raven said. "This town is small enough, and you have the same friends. You can't avoid each other forever."

"I can try," Bellamy huffed, turning back around.

"Bellamy, just have a beer first," Murphy called out, to Clarke's surprise. "No reason to let her ruin your night."

He rolled his eyes, but eventually found a seat the farthest away from Clarke.

Though the atmosphere was uneasy at first, the group slowly started to talk again. They joked and they drank and they played darts. Bellamy mostly sulked, but he would insert a comment every now and then, as long as it wasn't a response to Clarke.

All Clarke could think about was how distant she and Bellamy had become and, on an unrelated note, how he didn't bring his girlfriend along with him. She considered her options. She could continue to ignore her issues with Bellamy and hope that he just needed some more time. Or, she could try to talk to him and make amends. She knew he deserved a real apology, but for some reason, she was much more nervous to tell him she was sorry than she was with Octavia, her mom, or any of her other friends. Things with Bellamy felt much more sensitive. It was as if his wound hadn't healed yet, and Clarke feared that if she wasn't careful, she would just make it all worse.

But she didn't think she could stand another moment of this weird distance. So, after Miller and Monty had gone off to play pool and she had finally gathered enough courage, Clarke walked over to where Bellamy sat.

"Can we talk?" she asked hesitantly.

"What do we even have to say to each other, Clarke?" he replied, clearly irritated.

"I have a lot I want to say, and if the temper tantrum you throw every time you see me is any indication, I think you have a few things you want to yell at me about, too."

"I just want you to go away, that's all."

Clarke sighed. "Well, I'm going to be here for the next three months, so we're going to have to manage."

"Clarke--"

"Bellamy, just give me five minutes."

He looked at her, really looked at her for the first time since she came back. His eyes were sad and conflicted, but for a moment, he at least seemed like the man she used to know.

After a long silence, he said, "Five minutes."

Clarke gave him a small smile. "Thank you. Wanna go outside?"

He nodded and followed her as she exited the bar. Though it was getting late, the summer air still felt warm and humid. The bar's neon lights illuminated the sidewalk. They found an empty bench a few feet away. Clarke sat on one end, and Bellamy once again took a seat as far away from her as he could. The space between them acted as a physical reminder of just how much she had to fix.

"Your time's ticking," he said.

She took a deep breath. "I wanted to start by saying I'm sorry. I am truly sorry. When my dad died, I didn't handle it right. I shouldn't have freaked out on you, and I shouldn't have left without saying goodbye."

He met her eyes. "No, you shouldn't have."

"You deserved better than that, and I'm sorry," she finished.

"So, why?"

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Why?"

"Why'd you do it?" he asked bitterly. "If I deserved so much better, why'd you leave?"

Clarke's breath hitched in her throat. She knew he was upset with her decision, but of all things, she'd expected him to at least understand her motive. But there he was, still waiting for an answer.

"Uh, I was hurting, and my dad was dead, and I didn't know how to react," she told him.

Bellamy frowned. "I want a real answer, Clarke. If we're going to have a real conversation, I don't want cliches about your grief. I want to know why that grief turned into you leaving us behind."

"Bellamy—"

"You wanted to have this talk, we're having it. No bullshit excuses. Tell me why."

She stared at him for a moment, both trying to gather her thoughts and understand his.

"It does have to do with my grief, Bellamy," she finally said. "But yeah, I guess it was more than that, too. I couldn't understand how the world could go on and I could live my life and have good things if my dad wasn't here. I didn't know how to live in this world without him, so I didn't know how to stay in Arkadia or pursue things that made me happy." The back of her eyes began to burn, but she shakily continued. "Most of all, I didn't know how to let you love me or how to love you back. So, I left."

Bellamy eyes looked glossy. "No one knows how to live without their loved one when they die, Clarke. Not everyone leaves all their friends and family."

"I know. That's why I'm saying I messed up."

His next words were so soft that Clarke almost didn't hear them. "We could have figured it out. I would have loved you through it."

That just about sliced Clarke's heart in two. Even all these years later, he still thought he could have helped her.

"That's half the problem," she replied quietly. "I felt too guilty to let someone absolve me of that pain. I felt too responsible."

"You never even told me what happened," he said. "You never explained why you felt so guilty about your dad's death. He died in a car crash, Clarke. How could you find a way to blame yourself for that?"

"It's complicated, Bellamy."

"The whole point of this conversation is for me to forgive you, right? You want to be friends again?" he asked.

Clarke nodded.

"And how am I supposed to forgive you if I don't know the full story? Tell me what happened, Clarke."

She paused, wringing her hands in her lap. The last thing she wanted to do was dig into the past, but it was better than losing Bellamy forever. And something told her that however this conversation ended would define their relationship. This was her one and only chance.

"There was a group of kids from around here that got into Polis, too. I don't know if you remember, but a few weeks after graduation, one of the girls was having a party at her house. It was supposed to be like a meet and greet, so we'd all know each other when we got to campus in the fall," she began quietly.

"I remember you telling me about it."

"So, I went over to the girl's, Lexa's, house. I got there and it was fun and everyone was fine, but there was a lot more drinking than I was used to, a lot of hard stuff and shots. And I was an idiot and I wanted to keep up and I got out of control. I was way too drunk to drive home. It was almost two in the morning, and I wanted to call you, but I remembered you were working, so I called my dad."

Bellamy's shoulders deflated, and he no longer harbored any resentment in his gaze. "Clarke..."

"Just let me finish, Bellamy," she said, ignoring the tightening sensation in her throat. "I called him because I knew he wouldn't be mad. You knew my dad-- he understood when I messed up. My mom would've killed me. And I was right, he wasn't upset. He just said he was glad I was safe and didn't try to drive. He said he would be right over. And then fifteen minutes later, in the middle of the night, while he was just trying to pick me up because I was a stupid, spoiled brat, he crashed right into a tree, and he died."

Tears were steadily streaming down Clarke's face, and she took a deep breath. Bellamy had scooted closer to her, so there were now mere inches, not feet, between them.

"So, yeah," she choked out. "It was my fault."

"I didn't know he was driving to you when he crashed," Bellamy said.

She wiped the tears off her face, determined not to have a full breakdown. "You couldn't have. I never told you before I left, and my mom never wanted to talk about it."

"I'm so sorry, Clarke," he said, sounding completely sincere. "You were a kid who went to a party. You couldn't have known what was going to happen."

Clarke looked at him, almost in confusion, wondering when his hostility went away. After weeks of being at odds, seeing Bellamy's kindness again gave her a whiplash of sorts.

"Thanks, but I don't really want to be comforted right now, Bellamy. I was just telling you what happened. I'm not saying it excuses what I did, or how I left things, but I hope you can at least understand where I was coming from."

"It helps, yeah, and I appreciate your honesty," he replied. "But you're right-- it doesn't erase what you did or fix the damage you caused when you left. I know you were hurt, Clarke, and believe it or not, I really am trying to move past it. It's just hard."

"I know."

"But I want to keep trying."

Clarke smiled softly. "That's what I want, too."

Bellamy nodded. "Alright. I can't promise you anything, but I'll try. That's the best you're gonna get."

"It's all I could've asked for," she replied.

Something that resembled a ghost of a smile appeared on Bellamy's face. Clarke took it as a good sign, and for the first time in weeks, she felt a little hope.

"I blamed myself when you left," he suddenly said. "I thought it was because I wasn't good enough."

"I figured you did, and I think it's what I hate the most about all of this."

"I thought it was always going to be us against the world. I loved you," he continued. He didn't sound mean or cold like before, just like he was explaining something. "I needed to tell you that."

"I get it," she replied. "And for whatever it's worth, you were enough, and I loved you, too. I've missed you all these years."

His eyes met her's, and he bit his lip tightly. "I missed you, too."

In any other circumstance, Clarke would have reached out to take his hand or hugged him, but that evening, she didn't dare. She knew he wasn't ready for that. He was still in too much pain. But she took comfort in the progress they made.

Bellamy shook his head and sighed. "Enough of those bad memories. Is that all that was on our agenda tonight?"

"I think so," she said.

"Good. Can we go get another drink? I won't give you the silent treatment anymore."

She chuckled softly. "Yeah, let's go."

• • •

_Clarke gripped the steering wheel tight. It was the winter of her senior year of high school. She was driving home from a volunteer session at the hospital, and it was just starting to get dark. As the snow flurries fell, the roads seemed to be getting worse, and she was worried about black ice._

_As she carefully made a turn, a deer suddenly ran across the road, causing her to swerve. The tires slid on the ice, and the car swirled out of control. Within a second, she had crashed into a guardrail and had an airbag in her face._

_Disoriented, Clarke tried to grab her cell phone and get out of the car. Her head pounded, and she was fairly certain her nose was bleeding. The car door was jammed slightly, so she kicked it, and it finally opened._

_The cold air felt like another slap in the face. Her vision was blurred, but Clarke tried to assess the damage. Her car had broken and gone through the guardrail. She slowly made her way to the front of the car, where she was safely off the road._

_It occurred to Clarke that she should call someone. She dialed 911 and told the operator she was in a car accident. They were sending a cop car and an ambulance, just for precaution. Right after, she found herself hitting Bellamy's name in her contact list._

_"Hello?" Bellamy's voice answered._

_"Hey, Bell," she said slowly. She considered she might have been in shock. "Um, I was just in a car accident. I'm okay, but my car's totaled, and I, uh..."_

_"Oh my God, Clarke," he said, sounding frantic and concerned. "Are you sure you're okay? Where are you? I'll be right there."_

_Somehow, hearing Bellamy panicked made Clarke realize what just happened, and she felt like crying._

_"I promise I'm good," she shakily replied. "I just think I need someone here. I'm about half way down Mount Weather Run. I already called an ambulance."_

_"Okay, good. That's good. I'm getting in my truck now, so just stay on the phone with me until I get there. Can you do that?"_

_"Uh, yeah. But be careful, the road's are getting bad."_

_She heard his truck engine roar to life. "I'll be fine. Now, does anything hurt?"_

_"My head's pounding, and my nose is bleeding. I'm bruised from the airbags, but I'm okay."_

_"Do you want me to call your parents?" he asked._

_"No, not yet. I'll deal with telling them later." Clarke heard sirens in the distance. "Okay, the ambulance is here. They'll check me out."_

_Bellamy stayed on the phone while the EMT checked her for injuries. Two minutes later, he parked his blue pick up truck behind Clarke's totaled car and rushed out._

_"Clarke!" he called out. In a second, he had wrapped her in a tight embrace. Clarke felt the sensation of safety envelope her as she tucked her face into his shoulder. He placed his hand on the back of her head, pulling her even closer. "Thank God you're okay."_

_"I'm good, Bell."_

_"You're shaking. Shit, you're shaking."_

_"It was just scary. I'm fine. I've never been in an accident before."_

_"I know, babe. But you're safe now. I got you."_

_Clarke almost felt sad when they had to part so the EMT could check her reflexes. She most likely had a mild concussion, but no other immediate injuries. She promised she would go get another check up the next day. A police officer also arrived and asked Clarke a few questions. Bellamy protectively stood next to her, a hand on her arm the entire time._

_"Where are your parents? Are you alright getting home?" The officer asked after he had taken her statement._

_"I'm an adult, so I'm good, Officer," Clarke replied. "I have a tow truck coming, and my friend will drive me home."_

_After another few minutes of chaos, Clarke was finally able to sit in the passenger's seat of Bellamy's truck, a big, soft blanket wrapped around her. Bellamy stood outside until her car was successfully towed away before hopping in the driver's seat._

_He placed his arm around her, rubbing her back gently. "You sure you're okay?"_

_"Yes, Bellamy, I'm fine."_

_"I was so worried when you said it was a crash. I can't lose you. I just can't, Clarke," Bellamy said, his voice husky with emotion._

_"I'm not going anywhere." She reached out and took his hand in hers. "Thanks for coming to get me."_

_"Always. You know I'm here for you whenever you need me."_

_She smiled. "You're such a good person, Bellamy."_

_"Maybe you're finally starting to rub off on me, Griffin," he teased. "Let's get you home."_

_They drove in silence, with Bellamy focusing on the roads, but every chance he got, he reached over to touch Clarke's hand or arm, as if he was reassuring himself that she was still there._

_When they got to Clarke's house, he walked her inside and made sure she laid down on the couch. Her parents came in, and they explained what happened. Luckily, Abby and Jake were too relieved that Clarke was alright to be angry._

_Bellamy gave her one last hug before leaving, and he held her just as tightly as he did before. As he was heading towards the door, Clarke's father spoke up._

_"Thank you for taking care of her, Bellamy," he said. "She's lucky to have someone like you in her life."_

_Clarke swore she saw a glint of something in Bellamy's eyes when he quickly glanced at her. "You got it backwards, sir."_

_He opened the front door, got back in his truck, and drove off._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bellarke heart to hearts. That's all.
> 
> Thank you for reading-- have a great rest of your day!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you for reading the first chapter. I've written Bellarke fanfiction for years, but this is my first full story/book, and I'm so excited! I've had this idea for a long time, and I've tried to write it in a lot of ways, so it feels so nice to finally be executing the plan. For the record, in this story, Bellamy is only three years older than Clarke (it worked better with the timeline), and I have limited knowledge how medical internships/school works, so don't judge too harshly when you're reading about Clarke's career. 
> 
> This is my first time on AO3 (I've always been a Wattpad girl), but you can find me on Instagram @griffinsangels for more edits and fanfics. Additionally, I have a big collection of Bellarke one shots on Wattpad under the username Kristen_1414. So, if you like what you're reading, check those out!
> 
> Also, fun fact: every chapter is entitled a line from a Lumineers song. I absolutely love their music, and some of the lyrics just seemed to fit so perfectly, so I couldn't resist.
> 
> I look forward to continuing this story! Please feel free leave feedback and/or reach out to me. Again, thank you for reading! 
> 
> \- Kristen


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